So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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