we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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