if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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