yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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