I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just forgot I was standing up.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize