I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
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I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
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My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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