I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i was born a porn star she said
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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