I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize