Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize