dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
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Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
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Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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