We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
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