It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
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After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
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I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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