There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
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My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
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IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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