i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
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So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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