last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm determined to sit on that face.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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