I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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