Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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