you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
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Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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