I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
if only i could text you this smell
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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