im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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