my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize