She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
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i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
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I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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