I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
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My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
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he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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