Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize