So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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