found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize