Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
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He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
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I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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