I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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