i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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