after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
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after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
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after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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