Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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