just come out here and I will go home with you...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize