Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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