I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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