her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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