I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize