the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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