I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
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To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
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Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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