I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
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I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
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I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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