The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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