i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
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Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
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My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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