What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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