I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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