Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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