he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize