she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
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So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
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You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
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