yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have so much sex to catch up on
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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