saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
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If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
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I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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