I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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