I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
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We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
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Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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